Ambiguity fudge
(from a large public organisation - "X")
Caution: for internal consumption only
Original:
"The purpose of this document is to set out a corporately-agreed plan of activity and the management arrangements to ensure X's external communication in relation to these projects is co-ordinated and supports the delivery of these schemes." (38 words)
Problem:
What improves "X's external communication"? Do the activity plan and the management arrangements jointly improve it, or do the arrangements do all the work?
Low saturated word content:
"This document sets out X's plan and management arrangements, to help make our external communication co-ordinated and effective." (18 words)
Or:
"This document sets out X's plan, and management arrangements to help make our external communication co-ordinated and effective." (18 words)